


Women and Chocolate are a Dangerous Combination

by yokainomiko



Series: Too Many Women [9]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M, Female Guardians, Genderswap, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-18
Updated: 2012-05-18
Packaged: 2017-11-09 02:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/450152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yokainomiko/pseuds/yokainomiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsunayoshi's guardians always make each Valentine's Day one to remember.  This year is no different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Women and Chocolate are a Dangerous Combination

**Author's Note:**

> I need a better title, please volunteer one. Part of the [Too Many Women](http://riceforbrunch.livejournal.com/7194.html) fem!Guardians universe.

Title: Women and Chocolate are a Dangerous Combination  
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn (KHR)  
Pairing/Character(s): Tsuna, fem!Guardians, Tsunaxfem!Guardians  
Genre: Romance  
Rating: PG-13/T  
Word Count: 2084  


\-------------------------------------  


  


“Tsuna-san!” Haru called out. “I made you Valentine’s chocolate!”

Sawada Tsunayoshi, the Vongola Decimo, sighed into his hands. “Thanks Haru, but you do remember that girls are supposed to give chocolates to boys? Not boys to boys?”

Haru blushed. “But Haru would obviously bottom, so I should get used to being the wife!” He covered his face with his hands. “Oooh I said it!”

“Stupid fag!” Gokudera yelled. “The Tenth doesn’t want your stupid gay chocolates!”

“Now, now,” Yamamoto interrupted. “There’s no need to swear. After all! We know Tsuna’s straight!”

Tsunayoshi sighed. He hated Valentine’s Day. “Well, thank you anyway, Haru. I appreciate the thought.” He replied with a smile.

Haru, Gokudera, and Yamamoto flushed. “W-well, please enjoy them! I filled them with my feelings of you!”

Gokuduera scowled. “I’ll bring your chocolates by later, Tenth.”

Yamamoto smiled brightly before hugging Tsunayoshi. “Happy Valentine’s Day!” She handed him an adorably wrapped box. “I love you more than baseball!”

Heavily flushed, she rushed out of the room dragging Gokudera and Haru out behind her.

Tsunayoshi watched the box warily. It was unfortunate, but Yamamoto Takiko was a terrible cook. She made fantastic sushi, but everything else was toxic. Not as bad as Bianchi, but one year he _had_ had his stomach pumped…

Tsunayoshi shivered just as Ryoko entered his office. “Oh! Tsuna-kun! Are you coming down with a cold?” she asked.

“No, I’m fine really.”

Ryoko rushed to his side and started filling him with sun flames. “I extremely can’t risk anything happening to you!” She stopped her flames. “There, good as new. You’re extremely exhausted.”

Tsunayoshi offered a small smile to her. “You know how it is. There’s always so much going on.” He frowned briefly. “Speaking of which, don’t you have a shift at the hospital today?”

Ryoko blushed. “I wanted to give you this.” She handed over a poorly wrapped gift. “Don’t worry! Kyohei helped me a lot this year so you shouldn’t get sick!”

Tsunayoshi paled. “Thank you, Neesan. I appreciate it.”

“I wish you would call me, Ryoko, Tsuna-kun.”

“Huh? Does it offend you or something?”

“No, no! It makes me extremely happy that I mean so much to you. It just… would be nice if you used my name…” Ryoko was uncharacteristically quiet.

It was Tsunayoshi’s turn to blush. “Oh! Well, I’ll try, okay Ryoko-neesan?”

“That’s not–” Ryoko sighed. “Have an extremely nice day, Tsuna-kun. I’ll be thinking of you.”

They exchanged warm smiles and Ryoko left.

Tsunayoshi eyed his chocolates warily. Kyohei was actually a pretty good cook, but he was also taught by Bianchi. This meant that strong feelings made… things… happen. Tsunayoshi decided to think about it later.

Just as he finished the last of his paperwork for the day, he felt a tingle run down his spine.

“Mukuro?” he asked.

“Kufufu, it makes me so happy, Tsunayoshi-kun, that you can always find me so easily.” Mukuro materialized on Tsunayoshi’s desk. “It’s proof that our destinies, and maybe even our souls are bound.”

“Mukuro, after all these years, mental torture doesn’t work on me anymore.” Tsunayoshi warily replied.

She huffed. “That is not what this is! No matter,” she paused. “Where is my present?”

Tsunayoshi sweatdropped. “What present?”

“In Italy, it is customary for the men to give flowers and other gifts to women on Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh. Yeah, but I don’t do that kind of thing.”

“Why not?”

“There are too many women in the Vongola. It’d take forever to coordinate everything and I can’t let anyone get slighted. I’d never hear the end of it.”

Mukuro frowned. “You could just give gifts to me. I _am_ the one who means the most to you, right?”

Tsunayoshi thought for a moment. “Well… these days I’m not sure who I’m most terrified of so…”

“You disappoint me, Tsunayoshi-kun.” Mukuro sighed. “But it’s nothing I didn’t expect. Be glad I know you so well. I’ve brought you chocolates.”

She handed him a neatly wrapped box. “They are full of my feelings for you.”

Tsunayoshi swallowed. “Won’t your hatred kill me if I eat these?”

Mukuro smiled seductively at him. “Oh, you’ll be overwhelmed all right.”

He swallowed again and resisted the urge to use his onetime infamous shriek. “Well, uh, thank you, Mukuro. Don’t you have someone to torture or something?”

She licked her lips and leaned over to whisper in his ear, “But wouldn’t you rather I torture you?”

Tsunayoshi flushed and Mukuro smiled lightly.

She hopped off his desk. “Well, I suppose I’ve been here long enough. I have to make sure Francine doesn’t come by.”

Tsunayoshi looked at her in confusion. “What’s wrong with Francine coming by?”

Mukuro’s eyes darkened and she smirked sadistically. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, Tsunayoshi-kun. If you need me later, I’ll be in your bedroom.”

“What do you mean _my_ room?!” Tsunayoshi yelped.

She laughed and left.

“Mukuro!”

“Shut up herbivore. It upsets me to hear that woman’s name.”

“Hiiiieeeee—bari-san,” Tsunayoshi shrieked. “What are you doing here? Didn’t you have a mission in Hong Kong?”

“Hmph. That annoying horse herbivore insisted I come back and then tried to take me out for dinner. Like he could ever have a chance.”

Tsunayoshi rubbed his forehead. “Well, you can’t blame him for trying.”

“Oh?”

“Well, yeah, you’re really beautiful, Hibari-san.” He didn’t notice how she practically glowed under the praise.

But he also didn’t stop there. “Actually… all of my guardians are really pretty.”

Hibari glared at him and drew her weapons. “But I’m the prettiest, right?”

Tsunayoshi did not know why she was so angry all of a sudden. “Well, you’re the most elegant and you look like the ideal Japanese woman.”

Hibari retracted her tonfas. “Good enough. Here, I brought you chocolates.”

Tsuna took one glance at her gift and paled. “T-these are–”

“The best chocolates in the world. I settle on nothing but the best,” she flippantly replied.

“This chocolatier only makes one set of truffles a month! How much did these cost?!”

Hibari frowned. “It’s not polite to ask the price of gifts.” She smiled darkly. “But don’t worry, I got a special discount.”

Tsunayoshi feared for the chocolate genius’s life. “Well, thank you, Hibari-san. I’ll make sure to enjoy them.”

She nodded her head in satisfaction. “I expect a sufficient White Day gift in return.”

Tsunayoshi wondered what the hell he could give to match such a gift, but before he could ask his door was slammed open.

“Tennnntthhhhh~!! I finished your chocolate!”

Gokudera actually was a fantastic baker; the problem was that she tended to go… overboard.

“I’m sorry it’s so late, Tenth! It took longer to assemble than I expected and the latticework in the icing just wasn’t perfect.”

The “chocolate” in question was a five-tier wedding cake complete with chocolate figures of Tsunayoshi and a faceless silver haired woman in a wedding dress at the top.

Gokudera continued to ramble. “The cake is like a white velvet one since you like red velvet so much and I used a white chocolate frosting on the outside. The layers are connected with a buttercream frosting and the fondant has had chocolate dust mixed in with it and–”

“Uh, Gokudera-kun, how am I going to eat this whole thing?” Tsunayoshi interrupted.

Gokudera blushed. “Oh, well, I don’t uhm… Forgive me, Tenth! I just got so excited and–”

“Herbivore. Go away.” Hibari finally interrupted. “He doesn’t need your inferior chocolate cake, anyway.”

“I’ll have you know I was trained by top notch patissiers!”

Yamamoto peeked into the room. “Haha, are we having a party? I heard a lot of noise. Oooh is that cake for everyone?”

“NO! It isn’t! Only the Tenth can eat it!”

“Gokudera-kun! I can’t eat that whole thing!”

“Mission success,” a voice cut in.

“What are you doing here, Mukuro, you bastard?” Gokudera yelled, just generally mad at everyone.

“Tsunayoshi-kun, I’m afraid you’ll have to describe your entire day to Mammon, but in exchange, none of the Varia will bother you for the next week.”

“Really?” Tsunayoshi asked hopefully. “Does this include minimalizing destruction of Vongola property?”

“Kufufu, of course, Tsunayoshi-kun. I’m an amazing negotiator.”

Tsunayoshi beamed at her. “Mukuro, I could kiss you!”

The temperature in the room dropped several degrees.

“Well, I wouldn’t be opposed,” she replied, moving closer to her boss.

Tsunayoshi seemed to actually be considering kissing Mukuro when Hibari had had enough.

“Tsunayoshi.”

“Yes, Hibari-san?” he asked, turning away from Mukuro.

She cursed under her breath at the missed opportunity.

“My White Day gift.” Hibari impatiently stated.

“Oh yeah, what did you want?”

The other women quickly paid close attention.

“I want your child,” Hibari calmly demanded.

Tsunayoshi flushed. “Don’t joke about stuff like that!”

“I’m not joking,” she replied with a leer. That seemed to be the cue to start getting indignant.

“I am not letting you near the Tenth!”

“Haha, that’s awfully forward, isn’t it?”

“Kufufu, if you think that you’ll be the first to carry Tsunayoshi-kun’s child, you are not so sadly mistaken.”

The four women’s argument quickly degenerated into a brawl destroying Gokudera’s cake in the process.

Too terrified to even interfere, Tsunayoshi gaped at them as Hibari shoved a tonfa into Yamamoto’s eye. Gokudera spilled acid on Hibari’s arm. Yamamoto stabbed Mukuro through the leg and Mukuro literally attempted to smother Gokudera with lotus blossoms.

When they finally settled down, Tsunayoshi called for Chrome and Ryoko.

Chrome quickly reminded the crying Gokudera of the “mess-ups” in the kitchen as Tsunayoshi let Ryoko know what happened.

When he got to the part about Hibari asking for his child, Ryoko conveniently “ran out” of flames to heal her with and bandaged her very tightly.

Hibari was too tired to even complain.

Chrome left and came back with a beautiful 3-tier “failure” and started serving the cake to everyone. Tsunayoshi declined having any, but promised to eat some later. It brightened all of the women’s moods, but then Lambo came.

He ran to Tsunayoshi. “Dame-Tsuna, feed me!” he whined.

“Uh, well, Lambo, there’s plenty of cake.”

Lambo scowed. “I’m sick of chocolate. I want grape candy.”

Tsunayoshi ruffled his hair and smiled. “Sure thing.”

As the other guardians glared at Lambo, Tsunayoshi opened his desk and pulled out two boxes.

“Here you go, grape candy.”

Lambo happily shoved the sweets into his mouth as Tsunayoshi opened the other box and placed a _chocolate_ into his mouth.

This time the temperature in the room seemed to go up.

“Haha, Tsuna?” Yamamoto asked. “Who gave you those chocolates?”

“Hm? Oh, Shouko sent them. I got them last night.”

Back in Japan a red-headed strategic genius started clutching her stomach. “Danger is coming,” she managed to pitifully mutter.

Hibari stood up. “I am going back to Hong Kong.” She smirked. “I look forward to receiving my White Day gift.”

Mukuro stood too. “Don’t give the Skylark anything, Tsunayoshi-kun. We’ll have to take a raincheck on tonight. Some urgent business just came up for me in Japan.”

The other guardians sent looks of approval to Mukuro and Hibari.

“Good luck, Mukuro-sama,” Chrome added.

Tsunayoshi just blinked, completely missing what was going on. “Oh, okay, bye guys. Try not to destroy too many things.”

And so Valentine’s Day ended.

** Omake **

That night as Tsunayoshi lay sleeping in bed, Reborn woke him up with a knee to the stomach.

Tsunayoshi rubbed his stomach and moaned. “What is it Reborn?”

“So, Dame-Tsuna, how was your Valentine’s?”

“Awful. Same as always.”

“Oh? No honmei chocolates?” Reborn asked while polishing his baretta.

“Well, Haru gave me his, but that’s it.”

“What about your guardians? They didn’t give you anything?” Reborn carefully asked.

Tsunayoshi sighed and pulled a hand through his hair. “You know how it is. This day is just a big joke to them. I don’t know why they like to make fun of me so much! If they don't want to give me giri chocolates then they don't have to...”

Reborn tsked. “Dame-Tsuna, every time I think you might finally be a great boss, you prove to me how dame you are.”

“What? Why?” Tsunayoshi protested.

“One day, your guardians are going to rape you.”

All of the female guardians, both awake and asleep sneezed.

“What?!” Tsunayoshi shrieked.

Reborn smirked. “Have fun on White Day.” He hopped off Tsunayoshi’s bed and he headed for the door.

Just before he left, he added, “Don’t forget that the bond between boss and guardian is more sacred than any wedding vow. There’s no need to pick just one.”

Tsunayoshi resisted the urge to sob. Why did everyone talk to him in riddles?

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Valentine's A Day For Fighting (Get A Little Action Here)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5285993) by [yokainomiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yokainomiko/pseuds/yokainomiko)




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